Peerless Royal expert RICHARD KAY sensationally tells for first time exactly how Prince and Meghan ‘blew’ relationship with his grandmother

The relationship between Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, and his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II, was once regarded as one of the warmest within the British royal family. Their bond, marked by mutual affection and shared moments of levity, was a cornerstone of Harry’s public persona as the “fun-loving” prince. However, in the years leading up to and following his marriage to Meghan Markle in 2018, this cherished connection reportedly deteriorated, culminating in a series of events that left the late Queen deeply saddened and their relationship strained. Drawing on insights from royal biographer Sally Bedell Smith, royal expert Richard Kay, and other credible sources, this article explores the pivotal moments that contributed to the rift between Harry and his grandmother, shedding light on the complexities of their familial and institutional dynamics.

Early Bonds and Initial Warmth

Before the tensions emerged, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Harry shared a close relationship. Harry, the younger son of King Charles III, was known for his cheeky charm and ability to bring a smile to his grandmother’s face. The Queen, who reigned from 1952 until her death in 2022, often confided in close aides and family members about her affection for her grandson. This warmth extended to Meghan Markle when Harry first introduced her to the Queen. According to Richard Kay, a footman recalled the Queen beaming with delight after meeting Meghan, describing her as “natural, intelligent, and thoughtful.” The monarch’s initial approval of Meghan suggested a promising integration of the American actress into the royal fold.

However, the seeds of discord were sown as early as the planning stages of Harry and Meghan’s wedding in May 2018. The Queen, a stickler for protocol and tradition, expected to be involved in key decisions, particularly given the high-profile nature of the event at St. George’s Chapel, Windsor. Yet, as preparations progressed, it became clear that Harry and Meghan were determined to chart their own course, often bypassing established royal conventions.

Wedding Planning: The First Cracks

One of the earliest signs of strain emerged when Harry and Meghan declined the assistance of Lady Elizabeth Anson, the Queen’s cousin and a renowned party planner who had organized events for figures like Margaret Thatcher and Mick Jagger. Known as “Liza” to her friends, Lady Elizabeth was a trusted confidante of the Queen, with whom she spoke weekly. When she offered suggestions for the wedding, Harry wrote to her, stating that he and Meghan were “going another way” and claiming that his grandmother was “content” with their decisions. However, when Lady Elizabeth spoke directly to the Queen, she learned otherwise. The monarch was “not at all content” and felt sidelined by the couple’s unilateral approach.

This incident was compounded by other breaches of protocol. For instance, Harry reportedly asked the Archbishop of Canterbury to officiate the ceremony without first consulting the Dean of Windsor, a move that “dismayed” the Queen. Additionally, Meghan’s refusal to share details of her Givenchy wedding dress with the Queen, who was keen to know about it, added to the monarch’s frustration. The Queen later remarked to Lady Elizabeth that the dress was “too white” for a divorcee remarrying in church, viewing it as inappropriate for the occasion. These seemingly minor slights accumulated, creating a sense of disconnection between the Queen and her grandson.

Lady Elizabeth, reflecting on these events, told Sally Bedell Smith that Harry had been “rude” to his grandmother during a ten-minute meeting, a revelation that shocked her. She confided, “Harry has blown his relationship with his grandmother. She said she was really upset. I was shocked when the Queen told me this, how she was so saddened.” The Queen, who valued decorum and respect, was particularly hurt by Harry’s perceived dismissiveness, which she attributed to his being “besotted and weak” in matters concerning Meghan.

The Role of Meghan Markle

Meghan’s role in the escalating tensions cannot be understated, though perspectives on her intentions vary. To some, she was a breath of fresh air, bringing modernity and diversity to the monarchy. To others, including some within the Queen’s inner circle, her assertive approach clashed with royal expectations. Lady Elizabeth, for instance, described Meghan as “full of charm” initially but noted that she became “bossy” as the wedding approached. The Queen herself was reportedly concerned about Meghan’s influence over Harry, confiding to Lady Elizabeth that “Meghan and William, and Kate are not working well.”

The wedding planning disputes were only the beginning. By 2020, when Harry and Meghan announced their decision to step back from royal duties—a move dubbed “Megxit”—the Queen was said to be “not at all content” with the fallout. The couple’s departure to the United States, coupled with their public criticisms of the royal family in interviews and Harry’s memoir Spare, deepened the rift. The Queen, who prided herself on maintaining family unity, was particularly saddened by the public nature of the conflict.

A Memorable Phone Call

One incident that encapsulated the strained relationship occurred during the COVID-19 pandemic, when Harry called the Queen from the United States. Following protocol, he dialed her private line and informed the Buckingham Palace switchboard operator of his identity. The operator, tasked with announcing the caller to the Queen, was met with “stony silence” upon mentioning Harry’s name. The moment was so uncomfortable that the operator felt compelled to fill the silence, saying, “Thank you, Your Majesty,” before connecting the call. Richard Kay notes that the operator never forgot this exchange, recalling, “The Queen would never not acknowledge you.”

This episode, detailed in the Daily Mail, underscores the extent to which tensions had grown. The Queen’s silence was interpreted as a reflection of her disappointment, not only with Harry and Meghan’s decisions but also with the personal toll it had taken on her. At the time, she was grappling with the declining health of her husband, Prince Philip, who passed away in April 2021, adding to her emotional burden.

Differing Perspectives and Reconciliation Efforts

Despite these challenges, there were moments of reconciliation. Weeks before the wedding, Harry met with the Queen alone to “patch things up,” sharing more details about the plans and restoring some goodwill. The Queen, ever the diplomat, maintained that Harry and Meghan remained part of her family, even after their departure from royal life. However, her private concerns persisted, particularly regarding Meghan’s influence and the couple’s disregard for tradition.

Critics of the narrative surrounding Harry and Meghan argue that the couple’s perspective has been underrepresented. A source close to the Sussexes dismissed the claims as “just gossip,” suggesting that Harry and Meghan might recall their interactions with the Queen differently. Harry, in particular, has emphasized his deep respect for his grandmother, describing her as a guiding figure in his life. In Spare, he reflects on their close bond, though he also acknowledges the institutional pressures that strained their relationship.

The Queen’s Legacy and Lasting Impact

Queen Elizabeth II’s reign was defined by her ability to navigate complex family dynamics while upholding the monarchy’s traditions. Her relationship with Harry, once a source of joy, became a poignant example of the challenges she faced in balancing her roles as a grandmother and a monarch. As Robert Jobson notes, “As a monarch she knew exactly what to do, as a grandmother she found it all very painful.” The Queen’s hurt was not just personal but institutional, as she worried about the long-term implications of Harry and Meghan’s actions for the monarchy.

The revelations from Lady Elizabeth Anson and other sources, as reported by Sally Bedell Smith and Richard Kay, offer a rare glimpse into the Queen’s private thoughts. They paint a picture of a monarch who was deeply invested in her grandson’s happiness but increasingly concerned about his choices. The wedding disputes, the “Megxit” fallout, and the uncomfortable phone call during the pandemic all contributed to a relationship that, while not irreparably broken, was profoundly altered.

Conclusion

The rift between Prince Harry and Queen Elizabeth II is a complex story of love, misunderstanding, and clashing expectations. What began as a warm and affectionate bond was tested by the pressures of royal life, differing visions for the future, and the inevitable challenges of integrating a modern, independent woman into a centuries-old institution. While Harry and Meghan sought to carve out a new path, the Queen remained steadfast in her commitment to duty and tradition, leading to moments of tension that left her “really upset” and saddened.

As the royal family continues to navigate its future under King Charles III, the lessons from this chapter remain relevant. The balance between personal desires and institutional responsibilities is a delicate one, and the story of Harry and the Queen serves as a reminder of the human cost of such conflicts. Though the Queen’s voice is now silent, her legacy endures, as does the hope that healing and understanding may one day bridge the divides within her family.