If you thought Diogo Jota tearing apart Premier League defences was cute, you clearly haven’t seen what happens when the Portuguese forward becomes “Daddy Diogo” on his little girl’s very first birthday.

Yesterday evening, Rute Cardoso – Jota’s stunning wife and the woman who somehow makes motherhood, high fashion, and running a household of hyperactive males look effortless – took to Instagram with a photo dump simply captioned “1 year around the sun 🌞 Dália, you own us.” Within minutes the post racked up half a million likes and caused a collective meltdown across Merseyside.

The pictures? Pure, unfiltered chaos wrapped in pastel balloons and love.

Photo 1: Baby Dália sat in a giant gold “1” balloon arch, wearing the fluffiest white tulle dress you’ve ever seen, looking like an actual angel… until you notice the massive smear of chocolate cake across her entire face and the guilty expression that says “I regret nothing.”

Photo 2: Diogo, shirtless and covered head-to-toe in pink buttercream, holding Dália upside down while she squeals with laughter. Rute’s caption on the floor in the background, doubled over, clearly the one who pushed the cake straight into her husband’s face.

Photo 3: A close-up of Dália’s tiny hand grabbing Jota’s Portugal World Cup medal (yes, the actual one) while she tries to eat it. The medal is now permanently sticky.

Photo 4: The entire Jota family attempting a “serious” portrait. Dália is mid-tantrum, Diogo is making the goofiest face imaginable to stop the tears, and Rute is just staring at the camera like “this is my life now and I’ve accepted it.”

But the slide that truly broke the internet was number 7.

It shows Diogo fast asleep on the living room rug at 8 p.m., still in his party outfit (a “World’s Okayest Dad” t-shirt that Rute clearly bought as a joke), with Dália sprawled across his chest clutching a half-eaten cupcake. Balloons are deflated everywhere, wrapping paper is stuck to the dog, and there’s a single candle still burning dangerously close to Jota’s beard. Rute’s caption for this one? “We survived year one. He didn’t survive the sugar crash.”

Fans lost their minds in the comments:

Virgil van Dijk: “Bro how are you this soft now 😭” Cody Gakpo: “Dália running the house already confirmed” Trent Alexander-Arnold: “That medal is never getting cleaned mate” One fan wrote: “This is the most Scouse-Portuguese family ever and I’m here for it.”

Even Jürgen Klopp (yes, the real one) commented a single red heart. That’s basically the internet equivalent of a knighthood.

What makes the whole thing even sweeter is that Rute revealed in her Stories that the party was almost entirely DIY. She made the three-tier Funfetti cake herself (“after three failed attempts and a small kitchen fire”), Diogo blew up 200 balloons by mouth because the helium tank arrived late, and the only “professional” touch was a cake smash photographer who gave up after Dália launched frosting at her lens.

In one particularly chaotic video, you can hear Jota yelling in Portuguese, “Rute, she’s eating the number one! She’s eating the prop!” while Rute calmly replies, “Let her live, Diogo, it’s organic fondant.”

By the end of the night, both parents looked like they’d been through a war zone made of sprinkles, but the dog was vibrating from stolen cake, and Dália passed out mid-bite with icing in her eyelashes.

Yet somehow, in the final photo of the carousel, Rute managed to capture the three of them curled up on the sofa: Diogo cradling his daughter like she’s the most precious trophy he’s ever won, Rute’s head on his shoulder, soft fairy lights glowing behind them. No filters, no posing, just pure exhausted happiness.

She ended the post with a simple line that has Liverpool fans (and honestly everyone else) in absolute bits:

“One year of you, Dália Jota. You turned our striker into a softie, our home into a mess, and our hearts into something bigger than we knew they could be. Worth every grey hair.”

If this is what losing 3-0 to cake looks like, sign us all up. Happy first birthday, Dália – and good luck to Daddy Diogo surviving the terrible twos.